Enjoy the Opera! Personal Lubricant Provided.

I’ll come right out and say it. Let the jokes, laughter, chuckles, guffaws, hee hawing, whatever begin. The head wigmistress of the opera has decreed that K-Y Personal Lubricant is the official hair gel of our production of Flying Dutchman. Hair gel. Hair. Gel. No wigs will be worn for the production. However the gentlemen, ALL gentlemen, will be given a dollop of K-Y jelly, and the hair will be combed in the style of the period of the opera, set in the 1920’s. Why K-Y? Here’s my own marketing reasons: “It Provides Maximum Stiffness and Hold” “It’s Viscous and Slick” “Provides Power Hold & Shine” “It’s Smooth, Silky and Glistens like Fresh Snow” “Too dry? Just add more water!” I am told the official reason is that adds a nice glistening effect. And since it’s water based the washing process is easier. It also doesn’t flake like regular hair gel. I’m told the story by the poor sucker, who wanted to remain nameless so we’ll call her Betty, (there, Bev, I saved your anonymity!) who drew the short straw and had to make the purchase of about a case worth of personal lubricant from the drug store. In addition, items such as medical sticky tape, hair pins, and makeup needed to be purchased. “Betty” does not look the type to purchase a stockpile of naughty or deviant goodies. So naturally the pharmacist gave her an odd blank stare and an, “excuse me?” when she inquired to the whereabouts of said items. “I asked where you stock the K-Y.” “The what, ma’am?” “The K-Y jelly.” I imagine the elderly, conservative pharmacists scratching his graying and almost bald, bare head. “I’m not sure I understand…” “I NEED 12 TUBES OF PERSONAL LUBRICANT!!” So Betty ended up exclaiming her secret mission to everyone in the store and followed behind Mr. Pharmacist to collect all the items on her list. She admitted later to us the fact that she shopped in a drug store on the other side of town from her house. The curious pharmacist was much relieved when Betty felt she had to explain the reason behind her seemingly deviant purchases. Good thing he didn’t talk her into purchasing K-Y Warming Liquid Gel which would have provided a nice gentle warming sensation on contact. Talk about hot sailors! Never a dull moment in opera.