Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Read the Headlines

I get the news. Sure. I read the headline on the daily paper each morning as I walk past the news dispenser. Isn’t that all we really need to know? The headline is what it’s all about.

“Mad Cow Disease Bulls into America”

“Bird Flu Ain’t Just For the Birds”

“Pit Bull Mauls Bear, Joins Pack of Wolves”

“Orangutan Escapes From Zoo, Steals Last Copy of ‘Any Which Way But Loose’”

Hmm…seems that the animals are taking over the world. See? One only needs to read between the headlines to discover subtle changes in the world today. Let’s see, I think my best strategy is to keep my Chihuahua and Siamese separated and the Cockatiel in the garage lest they form a plot that would reek havoc in my house and neighborhood.

I’m doing what I can to stop this aggressive and hostile takeover. Folks, you better listen to those headlines and come up with a plan to dissuade our four-legged (or two, six, 22, whatever) friends from taking over the planet. This planet belongs to the humans, and we’ll do what we darn well please with it! Don’t need no animals in charge. Next thing you know they’ll be talking & starring in motion pictures.

“The Shaggy Dog Wreaks Hilarious Havoc on Big Screen”

AAAAACCKK!!!!! See!? It’s happening already!