My Addiction

Hi. My name is Bob, and I’m a chocoholic. (Say it everyone: “Hi Bob!”) It’s been 2 hours and 14 minutes since my last M&M. I would like to formally admit here and now to all my faithful evil blogger followers the exact nature of my addiction, as per step five of the 12 steps. I first started chocolating when I was just a young-un, ‘bout 4 I’d say. My parents were horrible role models, eating chocolate almost every day, and right in front of me. My mother gave me my first bonbon one day while I was begging to watch Electric Company. She stuffed the rich morsel in my mouth particularly with the purpose (now thinking in hindsight) to shut me the BLEEP up. The moment that sugary, luscious, delectable, heavenly confection dissolved in my mouth and trickled down into my approving tummy, I was hooked. I wanted more. I needed MORE! Forget the Boob Tube, gimme that bag of bonbons! After that I was mostly a plain milk chocolate junky. Anything in a foil wrapper was game. Hershey bars. Hershey Kisses. Chocolate Easter bunnies. Those little bite-size chocolate footballs. In my teens I experimented with harder stuff, like candy coated M&M’s. Twix. Butterfinger. But I fell head-over-heels for Snickers with peanuts. I had to have my daily fix to keep me satisfied. In college I studied a term in Europe and found Mecca… Gourmet Swiss Chocolate! After tasting real chocolate I couldn’t go back to plain ol’ generic milk chocolate Advent Calendar bonbons ever again. I haven’t even had a Hershey Bar since. To this day I have an incurable appetite for the hard-line Dark chocolate. Milk chocolate? Blech! See’s Chocolate? Unsatisfying and insufficient for my addictive needs. I go for Godiva or our own local Moonstruck confections when I have the spare change. I do a daily consumption of Dove Dark Chocolate before bed each night. And I’m sure you’ve seen the NEW Dark Chocolate M&M’s in the purple bag…JOYGASM! I carry a secret hidden pouch around with me everywhere. I DO NOT share. No no! Get your own! I need every single fragment and subatomic particle of those delectable, candy coated delights to melt in my mouth, not in my hands. Chocolate is indeed better in color! So, yes, I have a problem. I need help. I need counseling. But right now, I need another M&M Dark…’scuse me. CRUNCH!