EB Knows Bread

Mezzo Wife never listens to me. For instance, she'll ask me what time it is. I'll look at my watch and say, "11:45." Her response? "It can't be before noon." Then she'll turn to someone else, anyone else, a stranger on the street perhaps and ask, "excuse me, can you tell me the time." The nice, courteous stranger would his watch and say to her exactly what I said, "11:45, ma'am." "Oh, ok. Thank you." Then she'll turn back to me and say, "it's a quarter to twelve." "That's what I just said. Eleven fourty-five." "I just wanted to make sure," as if my judgement of time is somewhere in the realm of guessing Zsa Zsa Gabor's true age. So who makes the bread in our house? Dammit, Jim, I'm a Baritone not a Baker! Actually both of us defer the bread making (as opposed to the bread winning) to the Magic Auto Bread Machine. But who knows how to make the machine make the bread? Thasright...EB knows bread. So Mezzo Wife wanted to make some freash bread the other day and bought a pre-packaged wheat variety. "Honey," she says to me, "I lost the instruction book to the bread machine. Do you know how I put these ingredients in?" "Why, yes, m'Lady," I responded chivalrously. "You first put the water in, then pour the contents of the package. Make a little dent in the top of the powder like a volcano and pour the small package of yeast on top. Then press the button and off it goes." "I dunno..." she said, pulling her lip with her finger the way she always does when she thinks hard. "I thought there was more to it. I better go online and look it up." An hour and a half later (she had to respond to some emails while online, of course), I hear the bread maching cranking and whirring. Hmmm, thought I. She must have found out I was right or otherwise she would have come and told me I was wrong. Sure 'nuf. I casually commented while passing through the kitchen, "oh, did you find out how the correct order of ingredients?" "First the water, then the ingredients, then the yeast on top." Hmmm, thought I. Exactly what I said. But, of course Mezzo Wife would not bow to her chivalrous husband and thank him by saying, "yes, most honorable and talented husband. You were indeed correct. You are smarter than the average bear. I'm sorry I ever doubted you." Nor would I say, "I told you so." Except this is my blog and I can do what I want here... "I TOLD YOU SO!" Mmmm....good bread, Honey.