The Perfect Food

I wanna know why it takes 10 minutes to turn one side of my grilled cheese sandwich golden brown and 30 seconds on the other side to burn it to a charred rubble. I’m thinking I need a new Teflon © pan, a George Foreman Grill (on my Santa list), or something other than I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-Not-Butter. Or…I’m good with an iron. Perhaps I will make my grilled cheezy with a hot iron and iron board like Johnny Depp in Benny & Joon. The grilled cheese sandwich is one of the world’s most perfect foods. It turns an ordinary cold sandwich consisting of two slices of stale bread and cold cuts into a mouth-watering cheezy joygasm! I used to prepare a grilled cheezy the way my grandmother did, using one plain slice of American Processed Cheese. Later in life I learned I could make them myself and choose to use as many slices as I wanted. I could even use Velveeta! Yum! Nowadays, like my chocolate, I prefer a grilled cheezy with a little class. No longer do I use blechy American Cheese. No my epicurious friends, only the finest sharp Tillamook Cheddar, Havarti, Swiss, and the likes of these will do. What’s better? Add two slices of bacon, a fried egg, and sour dough bread. The Perfect Sandwich! Ok, now I’m hungry. I’m gonna go make a Velveeta casserole.