Monday, December 25, 2006

Here comes Santa Claus...but I ate all the cookies!

As seen on my fortune slip after tonight’s traditional Xmas Eve Chinese restaurant family dinner:

You will attain the highest level of intelligence

Duh! Hey, Confucious, you’re talkin’ to the Evil Baritone here. Ya don’t become an Evil genius without attaining the highest levels of intelligence. But I’m happy to eat the damn cookie anyway.

I’m sitting here watching the Yule Log channel on Public Broadcasting. The yule log channel. Oy! It’s either that or paid advertising for the Super Screwdriver. Tough decisions.

As I sit here watching the yule log burn on my tele, I’m obligated to ponder the political correctness of the holiday season. My Jewish friends are insulted if I say Merry Christmas. My African-American buds don’t like the simple phrase, Happy Chanukah. All Christians look blankly when someone shouts, “Happy Kwanzaa!” And atheists are insulted if they here any of the above mentioned.

So I’ve invented a simple solution that should appease everyone. Are you ready? Here it is:

Happy Chanukwanzmas, you Godless heathen!

So there it is. Have a good one, everyone.

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