Plop Plop Fizz Fizz

Ok team, it’s two days before another op’nin of another show! You’re singing a very exposed 4-part harmony for a two hour show. You suddenly realize after the last rehearsal that DOH! you’ve caught a cough, a sniffle, Ich werde krank! What do you do? Do you punt and head for the sideline? NO! The show MUST go on! I’m about to start eight performances of a high energy, tight harmony, LET ME ENTERTAIN YOU holiday show. And what was a snot filled nose a few days ago has its crosshairs aimed straight for my throat & chest with “Bronchial Infection” flashing in neon. Only once have I completely lost my voice due to laryngitis, and it was for about five straight days when I was a cruise director and entertainer. Yeah, my job was to talk all day and sing at night and I could do neither. Bummer. Even my best remedies didn’t work then. But 98.4 out of 100 times these remedies work and I swear by them as a performer. Effective immediately I shall be doing the following: WATER WATER EVERYWHERE! Never stop drinking water. Always keep a bottle of water in your hand or in arms reach. Flush the body with water. Go pee. Then drink and flush some more. Water keeps you hydrated and is like a flash flood in your body clearing out the viral and bacterial debris. DRINK IT! AIRBORNE I’ve discovered this seemingly simple effervescent potion is a great metaphorical dam stopper. At the first sign of a sniffle or cough I start plopping these pellets at least twice a day. The sudden turbo boost of vitamins and herbs to the immune system usually knocks out an oncoming cold dead in it’s tracks, and in my belief is the cure for the common cold. And the best part? It tastes like Tang! One word of warning!!! Don’t repeat my mistake! Chewing and swallowing Airborne pellets is not recommended! Drop into a glass of water first! ECHINACEA My next favorite immunostimulator. C’mon, who doesn’t like to eat flowers? Echinacea is the purple power coneflower that fights off formidable infections. OPEN WIDE AND SAY AHHHHH This remedy may be a wives tale and sound more like a witches potion but, hey I’ll try anything to keep the vocal folds moving. Pour a tablespoonful of honey. On top of the golden yumminess sprinkle a liberal dose of Cayenne Pepper, also known to be in the Nightshade family. Count to three, then shove the spoon into your mouth upside down so the pepper coated honey runs off your tongue and down your throat. Helps soothe sore and scratchy throats. These are but a few of the witch’s brews I have in my pagan home remedy cabinet. I’ll save the best ones for the book I shall publish entitled, The Discordant Singers' Guide to Quick Fix Counteractive Herbal Elixir Solutions (or Double Trouble Croaky Singer Fuddle).

The Thespian Life

This is what a first stage rehearsal really looks like. We spend four weeks rehearsing music, dialogue, blocking, and hours of choreography in a crowded tool shop, then move suddenly into a real theatre with curtains and chairs and lights and everything. One can assume correctly that the spacing in a tool shop is quite a bit more cramped. So the first day on the stage set we all tend to stand around, look at the set, look at each other, look at where the audience will be (we want to be sure we can be seen at all times), then generally conclude that everything we did in a cramped toolshop has to be redone. So then we stand around looking at the director, who looks at the performers, who look back at the director, who yells, “quiet on the set!” because the set construction crew is still constructing the set as we stand on it, but the set construction crew ignores the director because the dudes really in charge are the set and lighting designers. So the director and performers mill around the stage in between the construction crew and the constant hammering, continually fearing for our lives as extremely heavy light trusses are dropped inches from our heads. We laugh, we joke, we comment that we wish the incessant hammering-sawing-drilling would cease, but to no avail. After a while we shrug our shoulders, agree that everything will work out, then go have a beer. I love the theatre!

Is it safe to come out yet?

EB has been hiding away. No, not in Paris. He wants to come back on the blogosphere but has been wary about posting on this public media. You know the ol' saying, "anything you say can and will be used against you...blah blah blah?" That's why he's been so cautious. Divorce is arduous and back-breaking. I don't recommend it for anyone. In fact, EB recommends to forgo marriage altogether. I've been played a fool by the plaintiff in this case, (if you didn't catch that, I'm not the one who filed legal action), and by the many public one-sided comments made to mutual 'friends' and in my workplace. Sure, I've had the notion to set the record straight on my public blog. It's my blog, right? I have the right to defend myself, right? But I've kept the truth to myself. I chose discretion and professionalism over pettiness. I've kept my proverbial nose to the grindstone and kept my private life just that. I shall return to this blogosphere herewith and attempt to continue to narrate my personal humorous and satirical views about life, fathering, singing, and working for a living. But in the words of the wise and sensible scholar, Forrest Gump, "That's all I got to say about that."