Brother Can You Spare a Dime – or The Unemployed Singer

Recently I’ve revised and updated my accounting resumé in order to try to acquire full time employment and I’ve noticed a distinguishing contrast with my performing resumé. Whereas a business resume (accountant, admin asst, etc.) likes to have little or no signs of unemployment or job skipping, a singer’s resumé works best when littered with numerous jobs and multiple companies. A sign of multiple unemployment is a positive sign that an actor/singer is in demand and has acquired years of experience with different roles and various composers. I’m proud of the multitude of roles and companies listed on my Curriculum Vitae, and am often saddened when I’ve acquired too many credits that some old work has to go. For instance, my first role ever in a musical was Mendel in Fiddler on the Roof performed for a small company in Montana. When the time came to see it drop from the list I took a moment of silence, then ordered another beer in celebration of more recent successes. So if you’re an unemployed performer don’t be gloomy. Put away that cardboard sign that says, “Will Sing For Food.” Keep auditioning and your next (and the next and the next, etc.) gig will add up to a healthy-looking resumé. Oh, by the way: WILL COUNT BEANS FOR FOOD! Gimme a call, eh?

You mean people actually read this crap?

I've been informed by certain power panty wearing blogger(s) that I haven't updated my personal blog in a while, and, under incontrovertible and irrefutable bodily harm I had, "better GODDAMN WRITE SOMETHING OR ELSE I'M COMING TO PORTLAND AND SUPERGLUEING YOUR FINGERTIPS TO THE KEYBOARD!" First, let me thank my limited and mostly likely disillusioned reader(s) for stopping by to check on me now and then. I am alive. I am breathing. And no, I have not been trotted off to jail for triggering a mass killing spree. (yet) I admit, I have for the last three or so months lifted an upturned nose at my keyboard as I saunter past thinking, "no one reads the crap I write." Coupled with a dose of lonely bachelor depression, and a corpulent and zaftig blue collar operatic daily schedule causing much exertion on my hoary bohemian body (not to mention the delicate voce), I have neglected my writing duties. In fact, I was quite thrilled and gratified to be singing full time and not have to count the proverbial beans for "The Man", at least for a partial year. Resultantly, I was away from my humble abode for about six of the last twelve weeks, touring the wide expanse of Oregon and SW Washington. That seemed a good enough excuse to avoid posting details of my vapid life, at least through my eyes. Now my contract of over. I'm home again. Permanently. Jobless. Now I have nothing else to keep me occupied so you're stuck with my pointless drivel and inconsequential scribble. WELCOME BACK, EVIL BARITONE!!! By the way...anyone need a good Bean Counter?